Finding Shelter in the Words of Jesus

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

This morning I awoke with this unsettled sense that something was wrong.I quickly reeled through the lists stored in my mind.One is called, “Things I could fear.”Another is called “Things we are waiting for.”And yet another is called “Things I am hoping for.”I asked myself, “Where are these lists, did I take them away from God’s hands?Am I assuming responsibility for things I certainly cannot produce, maintain or control?”And because I am admittedly a control-freak and because I am quite familiar with this cyclical pattern, I gently chided myself, “Kate, don’t forget, they have to stay in His hands or this feeling will always come, the unsettled sense that something is wrong!”I bowed my head and helplessly offered a simple prayer of total surrender and waited for the peace that I can always count on to infiltrate when I let go of control, but it did not come.“What is it?” I was growing impatient at my inability to solve my own mystery.The sense continued and even grew.“What is out of place, what have I forgotten, what is WRONG?”And then as if a small wind entered the room from an invisible opening, my ears were suddenly awakened to a whisper so gentle and yet so piercing. “February,” it answered. With that came a measure of peace simply because there was an answer to the unnamed anxiety.But then, I smelled the salty air, the bitter ocean of grief and the approaching wave that forms, escalates and descends each year at this time.So what did I do? I nodded to it, the grief as if had just opened the front door.I’ve learned to be polite. This unwelcomed visitor is much nicer to me if I’m kind.And I got up, started doing the dishes very aware that it was time to unpack my tent.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

There are seasons in life that thrust you into the wilderness, like you have been dropped by a helicopter into uncharted territory with no way out.Sometimes, life feels like living in the woods, whether it’s a new trauma or the anniversary of a loss or tragedy, the woods is the place where living life normally suddenly feels very difficult and nearly impossible.Remember Tom Hanks from the movie Cast Away?When he was thrust into no-man’s-land, he had a choice, surrender to death or find a new way to live.For me the scariest place to imagine being lost is the woods.The pitch darkness, the unnerving sounds, the shadows, the cold air, the lack of resources, the desolation and isolation are terrifying to even think about.For me, the news of Anna’s death nearly six years ago was like being shoved out of the helicopter to land alone in the dark of a scary forest.Anniversary grief is composed of the memories of this season of time and the full awareness of how my entire being and future have been shaped by that death.I know its 2011, but the timing, the sounds and the memories are inevitable and that means so are the emotions triggered from such a reality.This is why I wrote, I know it’s time for my tent.

By being alone in the woods of my grief over several years, I like Tom Hanks have found a new way to live.Time and the courage to not surrender to spiritual, emotional death (though there was a season where I did that as well) introduced me to my resilience, to my courage, to strength and to the person that assists us in the dark.His name is Jesus and it was in the moonlight over many dark scary years that I began to see His face.When my desperation for healing grew greater than my need to hold onto the pain, I began with His help, to construct the tent by which the night time elements disappeared and I was able to rest, able to regain strength and even able to call the night a friend.

I was thinking that over the next few weeks of February I would invite you into my tent, invite you into the fabric that constructed my place of protection, this place of peace and even prosperity.I plan on camping here for the next few weeks and I would be so honored if a few grieving friends (and strangers) wanted to join me.February for me means, having the Grace to Grieve yet once again knowing the outcome will be more Jesus, more healing and simply MORE love for a sweet baby girl that belongs to me still, in heaven!

Again:

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

These words for me have become the fabric of one of the largest sections of my tent, maybe even the flap door that invited me in.The bible is filled with words.For me growing up “Sloop” meant knowing and hearing quite a few of these words all the time (preacher’s kid).But hearing words and experiencing them are two very different concepts.The bible says, The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us (John 1:14).The “Word” is in fact a name for Jesus.A Word that can actually dwell…let’s ponder that.

When you actually hear Jesus speak His very own phrases they stop being just words.They become a living, present conversation and those words transform into medicated salve for the wounded heart, a tent, a place to dwell, a place that is safe from the rest of the unknown scary woods of grief, of life.If we read the bible as a life manual without considering that the Word is in fact a living person, we exempt ourselves from the true spiritual reality that beckons us, relationship with the Word.

That’s what happened when I heard Jesus speak His words to me.A new relationship began to form.One that was way more glorious and satisfying than the previous version.The resurrected Christ, scars and all, was erected from the print of scripture and became a person, looking directly at me…and the words became power, perspective and a candle to clutch lighting my way to eventually more truths and words from Jesus.

It went something like this…

“Katie.” (At the sound of my name I looked up to discover eyes of love piercing every layer of my pain, my doubt, my accusation and disbelief.Simultaneously this gaze held intense compassion and immeasurable strength).“Here you are. This is your season of TROUBLE (the compassion and empathy were vibrating now) “But guess what?” (Jesus leans forward to whisper…a secret was coming, a smile, nearly a smirk crosses His lips) “TAKE HEART (have courage)!I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!!!” In that moment my eyes flashed to the cross, the death of Christ for every sin, every evil and every senseless tragedy we are forced to endure in this diseased world.And Jesus lifted His head for a moment, from His crucified agony, the sacred moment in history time traveling at the speed of light through centuries to get to me and He said, “This my dear, is for your pain right now…this my darling is for Anna!And I won’t be dead for long, watch, because this is for you!This is your “take heart” power to overcome.”

Did an earthquake of some kind just shake your entire soul?Jesus Christ would have died to become the remedy, the power and the saving grace for your crisis alone. His death and resurrection is the anecdote to all this cursed world has and will continue to deliver to us.Jesus Christ loves you and me so entirely, so completely, that He would have endured the worst pain ever told just for you.His death for me not only means Anna lives, it means I too can live victoriously in the pitch black woods and that there is a day when I will look Satan in the face and say, “Nice try, but no cigar,” and enter the kingdom to spend an eternity with my baby girl!

Going into the tent doesn’t mean grief ends.It doesn’t mean your questions cease or that your pain is magically carted away forever.What it does mean is that for at least this moment of pain, relationship with Jesus, God of the broken and bruised, the only one who has ever conquered death, will extend His conquering power to you and to me.“Take Heart, I have overcome the world” simply means that your story has a page at the beginning that starts with the death of Jesus and a final page that reads of forever in a world where living out your customized version of redemption awaits you.Sometimes life means living on blank pages in between, pages that feel unwritten with a million questions that go unanswered.But I have found tremendous hope and strength just in knowing that the final page has been firmly established and is covered in VICTORY and a reunion that makes me weep with joy even now!

So as February dawns on me yet once again, I am literally crawling into the tent that saved me years ago, the one where Jesus sits waiting for me.And as I enter I hear Him say….

“Kate, here we are again. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart (this is when He smiles and I grab onto his arms for strength) I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!”

Are you in the woods? Are you in need of a tent? Won’t you join me?